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The Journey To Self Discovery

I wish I could tell you that you have to do it a certain way. That you have to read a certain book, or take a certain trip. That you will be rewarded with a moment of beauty that changes your life, that unlocks the happiness inside of you, if you just do this or that. I wish I could tell you that you will heal in four months, or two weeks, or by next Monday if you really try.

But I can’t. I can’t. For if there is anything I have learned about moving forward, about letting go, about becoming the person you want to become — it is that it happens in the quietest moments. Growth creeps into you, it burrows and it stretches, it cracks you open from the inside, and one day you wake up and you really connect with the fact that you arc happy to have opened your eyes.

One day you wake up and all you feel is intense love; you almost don’t know how to deal with the softness blooming from your fingertips. Hope pours out of you onto sidewalks, and into the arms of your lover, and into the words you write and the art you make and the depth of your laughter. You feel so damn lucky to be alive, and you don’t really know how it happened, or when it did.

You don’t really know where the shift occurred, or what was responsible for it. But I don’t think you ever will — because happiness was never something you were going to find. Instead, it was something you were going to become.

You’re going to realize it one day — that happiness was never about your job, or your degree, or being in a relationship. Happiness was never about following in the footsteps of all of those who came before you, it was never about being like the others.

One day, you’re going to see it — that happiness was always about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chose to go. Happiness was always about being kinder to yourself, it was always about embracing the person you were becoming.

One day, you will understand. That happiness was always about learning how to live with yourself, that happiness was never in the hands of other people. It was always about you. It was always about you.

The truth is, self discovery isn’t this comfortable, miraculous thing. It can get ugly, it can get confusing. It’s gritty, it’s hard. It’s difficult to confront yourself sometimes, it’s difficult to be the person who does things differently, who doesn’t settle. But it’s the greatest gift you will ever give yourself. It will push you towards figuring out what your own personal version of happiness looks like; and when you grow on your own terms, when you figure out what actually matters to you, and when you carve out your own path, you live on your own terms. You love on your own terms.

You become the person you have always wanted to be, rather than the person you were always told to be, and that is beautiful. Because when it comes down to it — life is about making yourself proud on your own terms. It’s about finding a happiness that works for you.

 

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